These days listening to the radio I heard Shania’s iconic song “That Don’t Impress Me”.
It made me realise how the lyrics are still so significant nowadays and that this is a classic song . If anything, they are more significant now I’m a 30-something woman, than say, the childish twenty years old I was at the time the original was released. I used to sing and dance along to it like I truly felt every word she meant. I was a young of the Spice Girls’ Girl Power generation, and Shania Twain’s ensemble for this music video was (and still is) #goals (the major reference with this red faux fur coat).
But what was more iconic than what she wore in that video, is actually what she was saying.
Shania was one million percent singing about fuckboys. She was singing about fuckboys like she’d dated them all, been there and done that, got their T-shirts, then burned them after seeing the light that many of us don’t see.
It’s an anthem against fuckboys, and how yes, a man may be smart, sexy, and he may have a car, and because of that, they think they’re special. But should that be enough to impress us? Noooo. We tend to make excuses for bad guys that have some quality that’s seen as ultimately redeeming.
If I put aside 50 eur for every time I’ve dated a man who had less than amiable traits that I willingly overlooked in favour of their more positive ones, well, I’d probably have that Chanel bag I’m dreaming about.
I’m going to break down the verses of the song. The three types of men Shania sings about, and tell you more about my real life incarnations. Names have been omitted for privacy reasons, of course.
The Rocket Scientist
The rocket scientist is a fuckboy who is smart. Or at least, he acts as if he’s smarter than you. He’s a “regular original, know-it-all” and I’m sure we all know one. I once went on a date with a guy I met on Facebook, I really don’t know what this man did for a living, but he acted so insanely superior to me in every way. He joked about how pointless and pathetic fashion was. He laughed at my book he caught sight of in my handbag (and also said “why pretend like you can read?”) He balked when I told him I had a blog, saying “but what exactly is the point? Does it make you any money? Why even bother? How… hilarious…”
I can’t even tell you how many times I hear these things. Not only from smart guys, but from those who do not even have a job or worked a day in their life.
And when he asked to see me again, I almost almost agreed to it. Why? Because he was smart and somehow managed to neg me into thinking I was kind of unworthy. That don’t impress me much.
The Brad Pitt
I have a strong personality – I recognize – and I find it easy to pull at other peoples personalities and get them to open up to me. So I have a tendency to let attractive but very boring men get further than they should, literally based on their aesthetics because I feel I can bring out a better and more fun side of them. Ok, maybe I’m just making excuses for the fact that I like attractive men and I can forgot personality in favour of looks, but it’s a trap.
Looking back at my experiences I realised that a previous relationship was pretty much based entirely on this. He was a very very good-looking man and so arrogant about it. But what else? Was he funny? Not really. Was he smart? Not really. He was bragging all day long. Was he a good person? Not really. It was really bad and selfish. All he cared about was him. It was so boring. It was about as stimulating as a vibrator with no batteries.
That don’t impress me much.
The Guy With A Car
Confession: I haven’t dated a man just because he has a car since I was probably 16. And that didn’t even count as dating back then. But let’s expand this and see the car as a metaphor for success and wealth and array of materialistic goods. Of course it might make them seem like settle-down material. He looks like a provider!
But I have totally been on a date with a man who admitted to being a millionaire (but seriously, who admits to that?) but he was a complete stingy man. Truly. Even if he had 3 cars in his garage he never took me from home and after he saw my car he started to laugh. So…I don’t care if you have a Ferrari or a Mercedes or a Maserati, because they are not mine and you don’t even pay for my taxi. And Guys, take us to a restaurant if you have an expensive car, not just show us the car. We really don’t care!
That don’t impress me much.
Yes, we tend to excuse fuckboyery if they have these qualities Shania sings about. We all do it, so here’s a few excuses myself and my friends have used in the past on men who are ultimately fuckboys, but had some form of redeeming quality that gave them a free-pass.
“Oh but he’s a doctor. He saves peoples lives.”
“But his muscles are just… so… big”
“He plays rugby. Professionally!!”same as above but football.
“He’s really really really good in bed…”
“He has a profitable business and he’s definitely a rich one”
“He’s really good looking. And I mean, I know it doesn’t matter, so I should just enjoy it whilst I can”
But is it impressive? Does it ACTUALLY impress you? Should it impress you? Will it keep you warm in the long, cold, lonely night?
No. We need more, we need better, and we need to stop making excuses.
That. Don’t. Impress. Me. Much.
So… Keep your Heels, Head and Standards high. What would the girls of Shania do?
We all want to be desired. We all want to be fancied by the hot guy we’re staring at on a rooftop bar, even if he may be a bit of a douche by saying some comment about how he doesn’t usually find women that smart. Sometimes that leads us to act in ways that aren’t totally true to ourselves. And most importantly, playing it cool and being the “chill/ cool girl” is the biggest fucking waste of time and will only ever end in more tears. I believe you all know how guys like to label a woman a “psycho” or “crazy” as a way of justifying their own shitty behaviour and making us shut up about it. I wouldn’t ever trust a man who said his ex was crazy because we all know he’s probably just calling her that because he drove her to act in a way which exemplified what his definition of “crazy” is. Which, is more than likely, anything other than a totally submissive, easy-going “cool” girl. For sure, you’re probably the “crazy” ex of someone. Hey, I know I am. 😆
I’ve forged too many relationships and situations on downplaying my genuine emotions, and up-playing the aspects of my personality that men found attractive. It’s a bullshit act because you can never keep up forever and will lead you to the end of everything. If you want to swallow every ounce of hurt and frustration so that you wouldn’t cause a fight, probably after a few too many proseccos you will only drop into a total Crazy Bomb.
And then it would be over because they’d be shocked that you’d secretly been a crazy monster “like the others” all along. 😛
The truth is, men who lose their interest after only one fight, then surely, clearly, they are not the right person for me.
So, now I’ll stand up for myself whenever I have to, without worrying he might like me less for it. I’ll say what I want and how I feel about anything regardless of whether it comes across as clingy or needy, because honesty is honestly the best foundation for any real relationship.
The result? Well, I’m still totally single. Obviously.
But I couldn’t be happier, because I’m not wasting any sleep or energy on fuckboys that aren’t worth my precious time.
P.S.: Everyone wants a powerful woman until you start dating her and realise you have to step your own shit up!